Weekender Encore: Emotional Wellness is the Heartbeat of Healthy Relationships

By Charlotte Hajer with Elizabeth Celaya and Lisa Davison

Feb 28, 2025

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Weekender Encore: Emotional Wellness is the Heartbeat of Healthy Relationships

By Charlotte Hajer with Elizabeth Celaya and Lisa Davison

NAPA VALLEY, Calif. — Healthy relationships thrive on emotional wellness, on each partner’s ability to handle life’s stressors, adapt to changes and navigate challenges with resilience. But what does emotional wellness truly mean and why is it so essential for relationships to flourish? In honor of February, the month of love, friendship and connection, I spoke with Elizabeth Celaya and Lisa Davison, two therapists at Mentis, to learn a little more.

Emotional wellness, Elizabeth explains, is the capacity to recognize, express and manage emotions in healthy ways. Without this foundation, relationships often become fragile, weighed down by unresolved tensions and unmet emotional needs.

Lisa adds that when someone lacks emotional wellness, it can be difficult for them to handle the natural ups and downs that come with any partnership. Life is certainly filled with moments of joy, but there will also inevitably be challenges. Emotional wellness helps individuals remain grounded, even when faced with adversity. When feelings are experienced but not acknowledged or expressed, says Elizabeth, they can generate anxiety in a relationship. One partner might sense the other’s distress but struggle to connect because of unspoken emotions. That’s why true connection starts with being in tune with oneself. When individuals are emotionally aligned, relating to a partner becomes more natural, honest and meaningful.

"When we make our partner responsible for our inner world, we force them into a role they cannot fulfill." – Elizabeth Celaya

In other words, strengthening emotional wellness begins with personal responsibility. Each partner in a relationship must prioritize self-awareness and self-care to be a better partner, friend or loved one. Listening to your body and mind is essential. Lisa emphasizes that if you're feeling stressed or fatigued, it's important to take steps to recharge and care for yourself. We’ve all heard the familiar analogy: Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. It rings true in relationships: You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Elizabeth underscores the importance of being accountable for one's own emotional health.

"When we make our partner responsible for our inner world, we force them into a role they cannot fulfill," she explains.

No partner can read minds or provide the validation that only we can give ourselves. By taking charge of our emotional well-being, we free our partners to care for themselves. When both people in a relationship are emotionally well and their needs are met, there is space for generous giving and mutual support.

So, once we’ve taken care of our own emotional wellness, how do we support our partner’s? Loving someone means supporting their growth and well-being without taking on the impossible task of controlling their emotions or choices, says Lisa. She suggests simple, thoughtful gestures like encouraging your partner to practice self-care or do something nice for themselves. A small reminder to prioritize personal wellness can go a long way.

Elizabeth agrees and encourages partners to accept one another exactly as they are.

"Adults will only do what they want to do, so we have to make sure that we do not put ourselves in charge of someone else's decisions" she says.

True support comes from encouraging and showing up for loved ones without trying to control their behavior. More often than not, this will help them feel empowered to make the changes they need. Acceptance creates an environment where growth can naturally take place.

We’ve written in this space before about the importance of social connection for mental health. But there is a common misconception that being in a healthy relationship can help "fix" someone’s emotional struggles. The reality is more complicated than that. As Lisa notes, relying solely on a relationship to maintain your happiness is unsustainable and can strain the connection. Lasting emotional wellness must come from within.

That said, Elizabeth acknowledges that a healthy relationship can provide a supportive environment for healing. When individuals feel accepted and supported, they are often better equipped to manage their emotional wellness. A nurturing partnership can be like fertile soil, creating a stable environment in which self-discovery and growth can begin to take place – but the healing process is always an individual journey.

Cultivating emotional wellness is a lifelong journey, and I’d say it's one worth taking. When individuals take responsibility for their personal emotional health, relationships flourish – and when relationships flourish, so does everyone’s mental health and wellness. By supporting our partners, friends and loved ones, by loving them exactly as they are and taking care of our own wellness so that we can show up to the relationship with full presence and authenticity, we create spaces where everyone can thrive. Emotional wellness isn't just a personal achievement, it's the key to stronger, healthier and more authentic connections to the world around us.

If you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
If you or someone you love needs mental health or wellness support, please visit our Mentis Community and Youth Resource Database. Mentis is one of Napa’s oldest nonprofits and provides bilingual, affordable mental health services to people of every age and income level.

Charlotte Hajer is Mentis’ Development Director. She holds a Ph.D. in cross-cultural mental health and loves to write about the way individuals experience and navigate the social and cultural world around them.

Elizabeth Celaya is a mental health therapist with Mentis and holds an Associate Marriage and Family Therapy license with the state of California. Elizabeth enjoys working with couples to strengthen their relationship and increase intimacy. Elizabeth is completing a certification in Relational Life Therapy with Terry Real and believes it will help her provide her clients with invaluable resources for navigating their relationships.

Lisa Davison is a mental health therapist. She has been with Mentis for seven years and holds an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist license with the state of California. Lisa enjoys working with adolescents and those who have experienced domestic violence to empower them and give them their voice. She loves using art as a way of helping clients express themselves in ways they would not otherwise be able to.

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